


Love and Tidbits

by kirschhhstein



Series: It's Not Like They're Friends or Anything [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: !!!!, M/M, and asexual characters, includes a smidge of smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-02-25 04:22:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2608337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirschhhstein/pseuds/kirschhhstein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>so yeah these are just some mostly unfinished self-indulgent stress-relieving jearmin drabbles-type things that take place in the 'it's not like they're friends of anything' au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Toe In The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a little bit of insight into their after school plans. except not really, it's very vague and i was just bored. and like 80% dialogue.

"I can't believe I've had access to your room for almost a year now and I still haven't contributed to your doodle walls."

"Don't say _'had access'_ , that sounds creepy."

Jean leaned across his boyfriend to paint a lopsided smiley face on the wall above the headboard.

"Artsy." Armin said dryly. "Very original."

"I call him Raphael."

"I call it rubbish."

Jean frowned down at a smirking Armin and flicked his paintbrush against his nose.  Armin sneezed.

"Oi, don't insult an artist's work."

"It took you months to even admit you liked drawing, now you're claiming the 'artist' title."  Armin teased, rubbing at his nose and smudging the blue.  He then sat up to face him with a cautiously eager expression.  Jean recognised the excited gleam in his eyes and braced himself to what was about to happen.  "Does... does that mean you're considering it?"

Sighing, Jean sank back onto the bed and rolled onto his front.  He mumbled against the bedspread.  "Armin, we've talked about this... "

"No, we haven't - not really.  Just look at the website again for me, we can go through the course specifications together.  I know you were worried about the extracurricular requirements but you can get in, baby, I know you can.  Look, I've already started your application for you -"

"Armin!"

He already had his laptop on and open at the online application page before Jean had even sat up to gape at him.  "I'll help you with the wordy bits, and of course you need to have a folio of artwork prepared to send to them but I can't really help you with that.  And look, the campus is only an hour away from mine so we can get a place somewhere in the middle so we can split the travel time and still come home to each other.  Plus, if you see -"

"Arm, you've already told me all this and I know, it sounds great but,"  Jean placed his hands over Armin's that had been flitting across the keyboard, a familiar sadness stirring in his chest.  He thought they'd already settled this; that Armin had understood last time they'd talked about it.  Clearly his reasoning had fallen on deaf ears.  "You have a scholarship - you have a place at the dorms for free.  We couldn't afford an apartment together here, never mind in Germany."

"And I've told you I can get my parents to help with that."  Armin rolled his eyes as though Jean were making things more difficult than they needed to be.  "I'm pretty sure Mum would be desperate to do something to make up for all the crap she's put me through - put us through."

"I'm not gonna live off your parents, I've told you that.  And Armin,"  Jean tried to make his tone as gentle but firm as possible.  "Even if we did figure out the money and where to stay and the language barrier and whatever, I'm not going to get in to the course.  I'm not good enough.  You know that.  I'm not coming with you."

Armin ripped his hands from Jean's grasp and shoved the laptop away.  Angry tears were already starting to fill his eyes, just like they had the last time they had this conversation.  "You're not even willing to try.  Don't you want to be with me?"

"You know I do, but it's not that simple."

"It _is_ that simple.  I'm not going anywhere unless you're coming with me."

Jean groaned.  "Armin, we -"

"Fill in that application or I'll refuse my scholarship."

They stared at each other.  Jean in disbelief, Armin in teary determination.  "You don't mean - "

"I do mean it.  I swear I'll call the board right now if you don't fill in that god damn course application and at least try to give us a chance.  Say whatever you want about me throwing away my future, then you'll sound exactly like my mother.  But the future means nothing without you in it."

Jean knew he was bluffing.  He had to be.  Armin had been unable to contain his excitement about his scholarship for months, and spent a lot of that time convincing Eren and Mikasa that he wanted it; making them understand and accept his decision.  That in itself had seemed been harder than getting the scholarship in the first place.

Jean himself had accepted it the moment Armin told him he wanted to apply.  He'd already made him the promise that he'd support him through any decision, and he knew this might be one of them.  Of course his heart ached to think that Armin would be leaving, but he loved him enough to know that it was what he wanted and didn't try to talk him out of it.  He didn't even think about it - he'd never want to take something that important away from Armin.

But even now, Jean couldn't be too sure.  He'd become pretty good at knowing when Armin was toeing the dishonesty line, but this time he wasn't willing to risk it.  Or at least, he just didn't want to see Armin's crying face right now.

"Okay, okay, I'll do it."  He reached for his furiously weeping boyfriend and murmured soothingly as he stroked his hair.  "So don't cry anymore, alright?"

Armin shuddered against him and relaxed.  "Thank you."  He mumbled.  "And don't half-ass it, okay?  I'll help you.  It'll be fine.  We'll be fine."

"I know."

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

He didn't want to tell him.  He knew it was inevitable, and that he'd expected this result anyway, but that didn't make it any easier.  The funny thing was, he did actually try really hard.  He'd worked harder on it than anything else in his life.  And not just for Armin's sake, but for his own.  And it'd meant nothing.

Well, not nothing.  But not much.

He decided to tell him when they were finally alone in the privacy of his own living room.  It was rare for them to spend time at Jean's instead of Armin's, but the Kirschsteins had left on a family outing for the day (excluding Jean of course - he had no interest in wasting a perfectly good Saturday getting lost in a nature park of all things) - leaving the two teenagers alone for a while.  Armin was always excited to spend time at Jean's instead of his own house, which Jean didn't question for obvious reasons.

Just a few months into their sixth year at Shiganshina High had already left them too tired to do anything but laze about when they had the time.  They'd curled up on the living room sofa, heating turned up full, with Armin in control of the remote.  He was subjecting Jean to a marathon of Nickelodeon's Avatar which meant talking about anything other than the attractiveness of the broody teenage firebender wasn't an option.

"I still don't get it.  Sure, he has good hair now but who cares?  He's still a moody brat."

"He's cute."

"Doesn't make him any less of a moody brat."

"I like moody brats."  Armin stretched his arms and rolled on to his front in one fluid motion, reminding Jean of a cat as he nuzzled against Jean's open palm.  "Especially the cute ones."

"I'm going to be very offended if you're suggesting that I'm a moody brat."

Humming, Armin crawled further up to rest his head against Jean's shoulder and played idly with a stray thread from the seam of Jean's sweatshirt.  Jean's too-small AC/DC sweatshirt that Armin hated.  "Do you think you'll be one of those people that spontaneously become good dressers when they leave school?"

"Wow.  It's just one insult after another today.  I already said you could take me shopping for your birthday, didn't I?"

"Mm... Um, speaking of leaving... Have you heard anything back yet?"

Armin's voice was quiet with tentative hope, and Jean could feel his quickening heartbeat against his own chest.  It only made him feel worse as he closed his eyes and took a breath.  "Yeah.  I got a letter last week."

He paused to watch Armin's hand still, the black thread still pinched between his fingertips.  He could practically hear all the accusations whirring around in Armin's head, connecting the dots immediately against Jean's seven word response.

"I was trying to figure out how to tell you.  They can't take me on this year - too many better people applied and were accepted before I could be.  But the head of the department wrote back personally and asked me to apply again next year when I'm better prepared.  So I guess I've sort of got maybe a toe in the door?  Not quite a foot but -"

"No... No, this is okay.  We can work with this."  Armin nodded his head against Jean's chest, mussing up his hair before he sat up to stare at the AC/DC logo.  "This gives us a whole year to make sure your reapplication is perfect.  And we can both get jobs to save up for when we move over there.  This might actually be better."

Frowning, Jean propped himself up on his elbows and reached up to tilt Armin's chin, forcing him to meet his eyes.  "Armin, look at me.  What are you talking about?  Nothing's changed."

"You're right.  This was always the plan if your application fell through the first year.  I can call the board at my university, and ask if they can hold my scholarship until next year. Dad knows the head of the board, he can make it happen."  Armin leaned forward and kissed him, and Jean knew he was lying.  "It works.  Baby, this is _better_."

"You're not listening to me -"  Jean sat up, grasping Armin's upper arms to push him back so he was situated in Jean's lap.  Face-to-face, Armin had no way of hiding the upset in his eyes.  "You are going to Germany.  I'm staying here.  You'll whizz through your first year at uni, and I'll ask Keith if I can go full-time while I work on my folio and maybe take an art class at Shiganshina's college.  I'll apply again next year, and if I get in I'll come join you and we'll figure out everything then."

Armin's mouth opened and closed uncertainly, silent for a few moments before he shook his head erratically, and it broke Jean's heart to see him so conflicted all over again.  "No, I... I told you I'm not leaving without -"

"What was it you said to me last year?  About not letting me - not letting us get in the way of what you want?  You told me that.  And Armin, I know you want this.  Please don't let me be the reason you give up your dream.  I'd never forgive myself."

"I'm not giving up, just postponing -"

"Armin, do you know how proud I am of you?"

His boyfriend froze again, his eyes wider than Jean had ever seen them.  It made him wonder if anyone had ever told him this before, and then he felt a familiar anger as he realised that probably no one had.

"When you first told me you were applying to university, and that you knew it was what you wanted I was so happy.  I mean, the way you stood up to your family about what you'd decided, and refused to let them talk you out of it - amazing.  And you know I mean Eren and Mikasa as well as your parents when I say that.  You're going after what _you_ want for a change, and what makes _you_ happy - and I'm so fucking elated and proud of you for it."

"And if you think you can convince me you'll be happier here then by all means, go ahead and try.  But I'll never believe it, and I'd be a shitty boyfriend if I pretended that I did.  I love you, and I'm gonna miss you so much it'll feel like I'm gonna die - but I'm still gonna encourage you to go with everything I've got."

Armin was still staring at him, speechless with watering eyes.  Then he jolted when Jean placed a hand on his chest and hummed.  "Do I always make your heart race like that?"

A surprised but genuine laugh slipped from between Armin's lips before he covered his mouth with his hand and mumbled into it.  "Often, and for various reasons.  Urgh, damn it.  What is it with you and these annoyingly emotional pep talks?"  He sniffed before rubbing his face into Jean's t-shirt.  "Stop making me feel things."

"Never."  Jean kissed the top of his head.  "So, can we just officially outline the plan then?  You're gonna go to Germany next year and blow all their nerdy minds away with your amazingness.  I'll piss you off with an endless stream of texts and skype calls until you're sick of seeing my face and hearing my voice -"

"Never."  Armin pulled back and smiled.  "All the while you're here working hard and saving up so you can join me when my first year ends."

"Oh god, your first year.  Isn't the first year at uni just parties and alcohol?"

"Probably not where I'm going, Jean."  He laughed, before tilting his head in thought.  Jean wanted to bite his cheek.  "Though I wouldn't rule it out."

"And please don't leave me for some tall handsome German dude.  If you feel like you're about to slip, just call me and we'll have the most amazing phone sex ever."

"I don't doubt it."  Armin leaned forward to rest his forehead against his boyfriend's, bring his hands up to rest at either side of Jean's head.  "Jeez... I hate it when you're the reasonable one.  You're going to ruin my reputation."

Jean gave a snort, responding that he was the voice of reason more often than not in their relationship.  He was always the advocate of healthier food, honesty, safe sex (boy, Armin was  _not_ a patient bottom), finishing homework before fooling around - 

Yeah okay, they both kind of fell flat on the schoolwork thing.  But Jean felt like he shouldn't shoulder any responsibility for that one - Armin had started that guilty habit in the early stages of their relationship.  Not that Jean really had any issues with that.  But still - Armin's fault.

Oh boy, Armin.  Sweet, amazing, beautiful Armin.   _How am I going to make it through the year without him?_ Jean thought.  The idea of not seeing his boyfriend every day for so long was more baffling to imagine than anything else right now.  Who else would help him make sense of Eren's humour and Mikasa's cryptic remarks?  Who would talk him down and make him see sense after a stupid argument with his family?  Who would laugh at his terrible jokes and play with his hair and make him feel like he was worth something?

"Oh my god."  Armin's smile slid as his eyes widened.  "Who's going to cook for me?"

"Oh god."  No, okay.  He should be more worried about Armin.  "Whatever you do, please remember to eat something half decent every day and jesus, _call me_ if you're even the tiniest bit worried about the noise the toaster's making."

"Hm, maybe my roommate will be able to cook."

_"What roommate?"_

He should  _definitely_ be worried about Armin.


	2. Vanilla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin hopes to give Jean a surprise for his birthday. And that he does. Just maybe not the one either of them were anticipating...
> 
> ** based on 'intimacy' prompt for jearmin week **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place a week before the last section of the it's not like they're friends or anything epilogue
> 
> warning: some very not sexy stuff

“Are you sure it tastes okay?  You don’t need to lie to spare my feelings again, I’d prefer it if you just told me it sucks.”

It was no secret that Armin was usually the designated  _sitting-back-and-watching-your-attractive-partner-cook_ half of their relationship.  It was for their own health.  And safety.  And they really couldn't afford anymore kitchen renovations.  But Armin knew Jean had been up half the night painting before working a double shift at the cafe, so he'd be damned if he didn't take on the responsibility reins once in a while.  Besides, it was Jean's birthday.  Well, it would be in seven days.  He deserved to relax and be pampered once in a while.

“Armin, chill!”  Jean laughed, fork halfway to his mouth with the tray of tikka masala balancing precariously on his knees.  “I swear, it’s actually kinda good.  I mean, yeah I was a bit... nervous when you said you wanted to cook me dinner but you did well.  It tastes nice,  _and_  the apartment isn't burning down.”

Armin gave him a sour look with a “Ha ha”.   _One_  time he left the dish towel on the hob and now he has a reputation.

Jean smiled, cheeks bulging before he swallowed.  He seemed genuinely happy, but a tinge of sadness ached in Armin's chest at the sight of the dark shadows under his partner's eyes.  "And you know my birthday's not til next week, right?"

Armin sat down at the opposite end of the couch and huffed.  He crossed his arms and nudged his foot against Jean's knee, taking care not to knock the plate of food on his lap.  "Yes, but with your unpredictable schedule and my unpredictable lecturers I want to take advantage of what little time we have together."  He slid his foot alongside Jean's thigh as his voice took on a mischievous tone.  "Besides...  _Fräulein Hanne_  informed me this morning that she is away for the weekend, so we don't have to worry about her threatening to report us to the landlord again."

Jean grinned and reached to hold Armin's ankle in place, muttering a low "Oh?" that caused Armin's heart to stutter.  A familiar sensation, but no less exciting than the first time Jean had caused heat to stir in his body.  "What did the old bat say we were again?"

"Something about depraved little sex monkeys... I don't really recall the exact translation."  Armin smiled.  Their neighbour was usually surprisingly accepting of their lifestyle for her age, but they couldn't exactly expect her forgiveness _every_ night they forgot the thinness of the walls.  "Either way we're lecherous beasts in her eyes.  And ears."

"It's actually hilarious she thinks that because we're probably actually kinda vanilla when it comes to our sex life.  You don't even wanna _know_ the stuff Mina manages to talk Marco into doing."

Armin yelped as Jean brought his bare foot to his foot to kiss the sole.  He squirmed, successfully yanking it out of Jean's grip with an "Ew".

_Vanilla.  He thinks we're vanilla._

His annoyance must've shown on his face as Jean burst out laughing and leaned forward to tug playfully at the carefully knotted braid over Armin's shoulder.  "Aw come on, love.  I like vanilla.  It's sweet."

Armin "hmph"d at Jean's fond look and didn't comment any further.  Instead, he watched with some satisfaction as his partner cleared his plate at a reasonably fast pace.  Phase 1 almost complete.  He was actually quite pleased with himself for creating something edible that looked  _and_  smelled the way it was supposed to for once.  And wow, it smelled good.   _Really_ good.

"Hey, you're not eating?"  Jean looked to him, raising his eyebrow in question.  "Uh, should I be worried?"

_**Reeeeeeally**  good._

"No, I just kind of messed up the first two attempts and ran out of ingredients so there was only enough for one.  Besides, I'm not hungry."

"Armin -"

"I had a big lunch."  Armin shrugged, praying that his stomach wouldn't rumble any time soon and betray him.  "And a cereal bar just before you came home."

 _"A cereal bar_ \- Armin, you've got to eat right.  You don't take care of yourself properly."  Jean looked at him seriously, forehead crinkling in concern.  "I'm not kidding, I worry when I'm not around to keep an eye on you.  That year you were here on your own, I was freaking out convinced you were just living on caffeine.  Even when we spl-"

"Alright,  _Mum."_ Armin reached over to give his shoulder a playful shove, laughing to hide his nerves.  "I survived, didn't I?  But really, I'm just not hungry."

He could tell from the way Jean gave a sad sigh and returned eating without another word that his partner didn't quite believe him, but that he wasn't going to push it.  Not now at least.

_No, no, no - this was not part of the plan.  I cannot fall on phase 1, he cannot be mad at me during the little time we have.  I need damage control._

Gnawing at his lip, Armin debated whether to just skip to phase 4.  Phase 4 usually worked in his favour before, especially when they'd both already been frustrated for a while (between Jean picking up extra shifts at the cafe and Armin cramming for his mid-term exams, they hadn't much time or energy for more than passing kisses and a quick grope if they were lucky).  Plus, with the addition of Armin's... 'surprise' tonight, he was sure it was exactly the kind of pick-me-up Jean needed.

Which meant it was probably better building up to it.  It'd be worth it.

Deciding to move as planned, Armin shuffled along the couch and removed the empty plate from Jean's lap.  He placed it on the coffee table they'd bought cheap when they moved in, telling himself he'd wash the dishes later, and curled up against Jean's side.  He raised a hand to scratch gently at the back of Jean's head, smiling when Jean gave a quiet groan and rolled his head back.

"Feel better?"

Jean made a noise deep in his throat to indicate what Armin guessed was a  _'I'm getting there'._ Planting a kiss on his cheek, Armin murmured that he'd be right back before getting up and moving to their bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.

He went to their dresser and pulled open the drawer second from the bottom - Armin's designated sock and underwear drawer.  He reached towards the back of the drawer and brought out what he was looking for.  Not an original hiding place, but not somewhere Jean was likely to nosy through anyway.  Well, probably not.

Armin placed the box on their bed and stared down at it.  He'd done this at least a dozen times since he'd received the package a week ago.  He didn't want to think too hard about the contents when even the packaging was embarrassing - a shiny black box complete with a scarlet ribbon wrapped around it and a tag reading  _'Nice choice!  Give him all you've got, babe x'_

"For crying out loud, Reiner."  Armin mumbled for at least the dozenth time, fingers fumbling with the ribbon as he opened the box and gingerly pulled out the item it held.  Soft, pastel blue fabric slipped through his fingers.  He gulped as he thumbed the laced edges and wondered, for the hundredth time today at least, if it would fit a little better tonight.

Dropping the lingerie back in the box, Armin sank onto the bed with a quiet whine and buried his face in his hands.  He wasn't used to being this self-conscious.  Under any other circumstance, he'd probably have already stripped and thrown the lingerie on by now - and then sauntered through to shock and seduce an unsuspecting Jean.  Heck, maybe Jean would've been naked already. 

_But this is his fault._

Well no, that was a little unfair.  Jean didn't force Armin to stuff his face, or turn down his offers to accompany him at the gym.

Armin knew he had reached a stressful point in his life, being almost a year into studying for his second honours degree.  That, plus living on his partner's income alone (Armin's classes didn't allow much time for job-hunting, and _god forbid_ they rely on Armin's parents,  _noooo no no_ -Jean wouldn't allow that) made money another source of his anxiety.  That on top of the lack of physical activity lately... it wasn't long before Armin discovered that he was a stress-eater.  Or at the very least, a 'sexually-frustrated-eater'.  So with his partner being a fantastic cook (aswell as a homemade meal enthusiast)... Armin had spent the last few weeks in a state of stunned horror as he dressed each morning.  He thought he might burst into frustrated tears when he saw the red lines his favourite (and Jean's favourite) shorts had left around his hips the other day.

He eyed the blue fabric nervously.  Maybe this was a bad idea.

_'...we're probably actually kinda vanilla when it comes to our sex life.'_

**_Vanilla._ **

Armin grit his teeth in mild annoyance.  He may be close to wussing out right now, and maybe he'd made a habit of swallowing his more kinky suggestions in a fit of nerves at Jean's confused expressions, but he would  _not_ allow his boyfriend to state that they were a boring couple in bed.  He had too much pride and sexual frustration for that.

Standing with a sort of nervous determination, Armin stripped himself of all clothing and held the 3-piece set against himself.  Then away.  Then against himself, then away.  He looked down and tentatively placed a hand on his thigh and squeezed.   _Oh god._ His fingertips trailed further up to pinch at the flesh of his waist and Armin bit back a wail.  There was more than he remembered.  He was soft all over.  Even - Armin turned around and glanced over his shoulder to stare at himself in the mirror.  He watched as his hands reached down to cup at his bottom and closed his eyes in anguish.

_What do I have to be embarrassed about?  Jean's always telling me how sexy I am - plus we've been together for years, so surely... surely I should be comfortable around him no matter how I'm feeling about my body right now... right?_

Before he could chicken out entirely, Armin grabbed for the fabric again and did his best to pull it on.  He was relieved to find that the see-through camisole slipped on effortlessly and found that he actually had to tighten the straps a little.  The panties and stockings he was a little less relieved with.

They were definitely looser than they had been at the beginning of the week, and they weren't  _terribly_ uncomfortable (Armin was rolling with the assumption that they would've been uncomfortable no matter what) - but when he slipped a thumb under the elastic of the stockings, he was convinced they'd certainly leave parallel red lines circling his thighs.

He loosened the garter straps and sighed as he caught sight of his flushed face in the mirror.

_Oh god, this was a really bad idea._

He quickly pulled over his sweatshirt and leggings in embarrassment.  It was a little uncomfortable with the lace underneath, but he'd make do for now.  Taking a breath, Armin tugged his hair free of its braid and restyled it into something a little neater.  Then he paced up and down the length of the bedroom to make sure he wasn't walking any differently and giving anything away before going back to the main room.

Jean was already lounging on the cheap sofa they shared, staring at the wall with a slight frown on his face like he was trying to do a moderately difficult maths sum in his head.  A hand rested on his stomach (god, Jean even had  _abs),_ and his fingers twitched ever so slightly.

“Hey, you okay?”  He looked up at the sound of Armin’s voice.  Armin, forgetting his embarrassment out of concern, moved and sat beside him.  “You look kinda pale.”

“Nah, I’m fine.”  Jean smiled, reaching over to pull Armin into his lap.  “Movie?”

“Sure.  Whatever you want.”

He involuntarily let out an amused sound when Jean suggested _The Mummy_.  “What, too soon?”  Jean said sheepishly.

Armin thought of his parents in Egypt, writing papers and digging in the blistering heat, making scientific and archaeological history while Armin sat in his handsome boyfriend’s warm lap at home, wearing expensive lingerie that chafed under his clothes while they watched cheesy historically inaccurate action movies.  No contest.

“Nope.  Not at all.”  Armin smiled to himself.  “Let’s watch it.”   _And let phase 2 commence._

"And Armin?"

"Yeah?"

"The English one please..."

It didn't take long for Armin to forget his discomfort and engross himself in the movie.  He knew it was one of Jean's favourites despite never having seen it himself, so he'd taken it upon himself to buy the boxset in both English _and_ German audio (to practice their own, much to Jean's dismay) for Jean's 19th a few years ago.  He'd quickly jumped aboard _The Mummy_  fan train ten minutes into their first marathon... for no particular reason.

"Rachel Weisz makes such a cute librarian."  He sighed now, wriggling so they lay parallel on their sides, his head just tucked under Jean's chin.  "Maybe I should invest in a pair of glasses."

 "Huh, maybe you should.  You'd be a sexy librari- Mm?  What's -?"  Jean's hand had been itching up Armin's leg to the hem of his sweatshirt.  His fingertips slipped underneath, brushing the camisole fabric before Armin jerked and slapped his hand away in a panic.   _"Ow._ Okay, what?  Are you wearing a shirt under that?  Aren't you hot?"

"No fondling during my favourite part."  Armin huffed, tugging his sweatshirt down over his hips.   _Not yet, not yet._ "It's a vest, and I'm fine."

"It felt weird."  Jean muttered before wrapping his arms around Armin's waist and squeezing, letting the hand-slapping go to Armin's relief.  "Why is this your favour- oh."

Armin blushed as the handsome Israeli actor appeared onscreen, and covered his face with his hands.

"Oh, I see."

"Jean."  Armin mumbled between his fingertips.

"No, no.  I see.  So that's why you agreed to rent the Resident Evil boxset."

Armin couldn't help the giggle that slipped out at Jean's dull tone.  "Right.  Okay.  Great birthday, babe.  Guess I'll just leave you two alone -"

Jean's arms loosened around his waist as he shifted, moving as though to sit up.  Not trying very hard to stifle his giggles, Armin twisted and locked his arms around his partner's neck.  He laughed at Jean's deadpan expression and kissed his cheek.  "You think I'm going to let you leave before I give you your _other_  early birthday present?"

Jean's expression flickered ever so slightly - his eyebrows giving a minuscule twitch as his eyes widen a fraction.  His voice also gave away his interest as he let slip another dark "Oh?" and Armin suppressed a shiver.  "Something better than another Oded Fehr marathon I hope."

"Depends... "  Armin sat up, pulling Jean with him so he could straddle his lap and lean down to mouth the ridge of his ear.  "Maybe a movie starring me would be preferable?"

Oh god, why had he said that?

"S-seriously?"  Jean's voice lowered to a whisper as he pulled back to stare at him.  He looked as though he wasn't sure whether to be shocked or aroused.  "You... You wanna make a sex tape?"

"Um, maybe another night."  His sudden surge of confidence stuttering, Armin covered Jean's mouth with his own before he could make any more embarrassing suggestions.

Jean groaned in response, and Armin pressed against him.  It felt good to make out on the sofa like they were teenagers again - rubbing his fingertips into Jean's scalp the way they'd discovered he liked when they were sixteen, and Jean's hands grazing up and down Armin's back and sides.  For a brief moment, Armin considered spending their evening just kissing and snoozing on the sofa.  Until Jean's hands squeezed Armin's waist as he pulled back and dropped his head onto Armin's shoulder with a long drawn-out moan.

"J-Jean, I... I wanna show you something -"  Armin whispered, his arms around Jean's neck trembling from nerves as he lowered them to the hem of his sweatshirt.  
  
 _"Ugh."_

Armin froze.  That didn't sound like a turned-on groan.  "Jean?"

"Shit, wait a sec -"  Jean pushed Armin away gently by the shoulders.  His breaths came in strained gasps, and when Armin pressed a hand to his forehead it felt clammy.

"You don't look too good... Are you -"

Jean suddenly seized Armin under his armpits, lifted him off his lap and onto the sofa before standing and bolting from the room.  A sharp slam of a door echoed throughout the apartment, causing a stunned Armin to wince.

What?

Unease gripping his heart, Armin followed Jean to the bathroom and tentatively on the closed door.  "Um, are you alright?"

"Yeah, uh... No.  God, uh... Armin, can you check something for me?"  His voice sounded strained, and Armin could immediately picture his partner's position on the other side of the door.

"You're kind of worrying me, but okay."

"Go... Go check the date on the meat you used for dinner tonight."

_Oh god._

Armin ran to the kitchen, fished the empty packet from the rubbish bin and brought it back to the bathroom door to study and report back.  The digits  **27/05**  stood out in stark ink.  Today was **31/05**.

"It's... a couple of days out of date.  But you said it would keep if I kept it in the fridge!"  Armin added hastily at Jean's pained groan.

"Oh my god - Armin, I said it would keep if you kept it in the  _freezer_ , not the  _fridge._ It has to be frozen to keep!" _  
_

_...Oh._

Armin stared down at the packet in horror.  He... He'd poisoned his fiancé.  Like actually  _poisoned_ him this time.  Jean wasn't kidding all those years ago when he said Armin was going to kill him.

However, an unreasonable annoyance stirred in his chest as he stamped his foot with a groan.  "Oh my  _god,_ Jean - couldn't you tell it was off when you ate it?!"

"Don't blame me - I just thought it was your usual cooking!"

"You said it tasted  _good -"_

_"I lied, okay?"_

In spite of himself, Armin's annoyance only grew and he smacked his fist against the door in frustration.  Then again.  And again.  He heard Jean sigh his name through the door.

"You  _know_ I hate it when you lie."

"And you know _I_  hate it when you poison me."

 _"Jean."_ Armin wailed over Jean's hasty apology.  His irritation gave way to his true upset beneath and he stifled a quiet sob as his throat closed up.  He turned with his back against the door and sunk to the ground, leaning his head back on the door with a  _thunk._

Typical.  They finally have time to themselves.  They're not exhausted from work or assignments or commissions.  Their cranky neighbour is out for the weekend so they can't complain about the noise.  It's close enough to Jean's birthday to call it a birthday celebration.  And of course, it was now spoiled because of something usually avoidable like Armin's cooking.  Either that, or this was some sort of twisted karma for him thinking he could shamelessly seduce his fiancé with sexy lingerie.

"Baby, I am so sorry - I'm so  _so_ sorry.  What can I do?"

"Urgh... Don't take this the wrong way... But can you leave?"

"Oh god, please don't be too mad at me - "

"Ah - no, Armin it's just... "  Jean gave a embarrassed groan.  "This is mortifying enough without you on the other side of the door listening."

Armin supposed that in a battle between giving your fiancé food poisoning and being the one poisoned by your fiancé... the latter won in the 'most humiliating' category.  But that didn't mean he wasn't going to do his best to make up for it.  "Jean, I'm your partner - let me in.  I have to support you during -"

"Oh my god, don't you fucking dare come in here.  Look, Arm - "  Jean sounded pained through the door, and Armin's hand stilled on the door handle.  "I appreciate that you wanna, uh, support me during this time.  I really do.  But there is literally nothing you can do to help me right now.  Just... Just go finish the movie, okay?  I'll be out when I'm out."

Uncomfortable and miserable, Armin left Jean to it.  He made it another five minutes into the film, switched off the television and trudged back to his bedroom.  Ripping off all of his clothing in a fit of frustration, he threw on his pyjamas and slid into his bed to whine into the pillow.

Jean was ill - physically ill because of him.  Jean would have to spend the weekend in bed recovering and Armin would never live it down.  And (though he realised this probably wasn't exactly appropriate to worry about right now) he definitely wasn't getting laid tonight.

"Urgh.  I'm so sorry, Jean..."  Armin whimpered and buried himself underneath the covers.  He curled up into himself, tucking his limbs in and trying not to groan aloud.

He couldn't tell how much time had passed before he heard the bedroom door creaking and the shuffling of material.  He wriggled out of the duvet as a weight settled on the mattress beside him.  Looking up at his partner, he bit his lip.

"Uh, hey."  Jean smiled weakly, and tucked himself behind Armin.  "Don't worry, I still love you.  Let's just... not talk about it."

Armin twisted so he could rest his head on Jean's arm and place a hand on his stomach.  His fiancé was still pale, and his movements seemed strained as he shifted to allow Armin a more comfortable position.

"Are you really okay?"  Armin whispered.  "Can I get you anything?"

"I'm okay.  I'll get up again if I'm not.  But you can do something for me."  Jean said sheepishly.  "Rub my belly please?" 

 Usually Armin would roll his eyes, and pretend to be reluctant to run his hands all over Jean's torso.  But this time he didn't hesitate.  After a few minutes of silence other than Jean humming and sighing in content, Armin spoke up.

"Mm."  He paused in the act of rubbing Jean's stomach, contemplating the hard ridges there.  "I wonder how long it's going to be like this."

"What do you mean?"

"Your body."

Jean spluttered, then grunted in pain as he twisted to stare down at his partner.  "Eh, what are you implying?"

"Well, eventually you're going to stop going to the gym as much.  You'll eat more of your own food, your metabolism will slow down..."  Armin spoke dazedly, tracing his fingertips down Jean's navel and pausing at the hem of his pyjama bottoms.  He smiled as Jean's hips gave an involuntary twitch.  "You'll develop this sexy potbelly -"

"Okay, shut up  _right now."_   Jean growled in Armin's ear as he turned and giggled, allowing himself to be trapped in Jean's arms with his back against his chest.  "I will  _always_ be sexy, you hear me?  These abs are never dying."

Humming contentedly, Armin let himself be spooned into drowsiness.  Jean's chest was a comforting warmth against his back, and his breath ticklish on his neck.  So maybe his romantic plan failed.  His lovingly homecooked dinner was poison, his lover never got to see his uncomfortable-but-surely-would've-been-worth-it lingerie, and he probably wasn't going to have even a lick of sex for another week but whatever.  Snuggling was nice too. 

"Speaking of... "

Almost dozing, Armin made a noise in the back of his throat to indicate he was listening.  He then blinked blearily when Jean's arms loosened around his waist, his hands instead sliding under his shirt and up his sides.

"I've noticed lately that... That you've been a little self-conscious about your weight recently and - Wait, hear me out -"  Jean added in an alarmed rush when Armin stiffened in his arms.  "Look, I only brought it up because we were talking about it and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable about yourself around me.  Armin baby, wait come back -"

Armin felt a little mean forcing his way out of Jean's grasp and moving further away on the bed when he heard Jean groan in an effort to reach him.  Especially since he was the reason his boyfriend was in pain right now.  But the embarrassment overwhelmed his feelings of guilt just slightly.  He felt the mattress dip as Jean shuffled towards him again.  An unpleasant heat creeped up his neck when the warmth returned to pressing against his back, and he covered his face with his hands to hide the evidence of his embarrassment.

He whimpered when he felt Jean's lips press against his nape.  "Armin, you know I think you're adorable in any size or shape."  And ignoring Armin's protests, Jean rolled him over and lead his head on his stomach.  He then brought up a hand to squeeze Armin's side.  "Christ, you're so cute.  With a cute squishy tummy...  You know, I was a chubby kid.  Oh my god, can you imagine our babies?  Chubby little blond babies... "  He mumbled into Armin's navel, smiling at his shocked splutters.

"Seriously though, Armin.  You know that stuff doesn't matter to me right?"

"I know that."  Armin muttered, actually feeling a lot better about the whole thing.  He blushed when Jean began pressing kisses around his bellybutton.  "It's the same for me."

"Nice to know you'll still love me when my abs disappear.  Say, you had something you wanted to show me earlier didn't you?  What was it?"

Face reddening entirely, Armin assured him it was something that could wait.  He silenced Jean's protests with a quick kiss and a promise that he'd be delivered the present on his actual birthday next week.

"Hmph.  Okay.  I hope it's laser tag."  Jean joked.  Armin just smiled knowingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm laughing because i thought 'hm, how can i get out of writing smut for jearmin week' and my first thought was to poison jean


	3. Snowed In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's a worry-wart when it comes to his boyfriend's health. His boyfriend doesn't like to be coddled however.
> 
> ** based on 'snowed in' prompt for jearmin week iii **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hurray for uncreative chapter titles
> 
> translation for Armin's words when his nose gets stuffy:  
> 'Don' = Jean  
> 'Doh' = No  
> 

Jean Kirschstein was often described as a worry-wart.  More often than not by his disgruntled boyfriend.  But Jean couldn't help it.  He  _worried._ More often than not about his disgruntled boyfriend.  Especially in recent days when said disgruntled boyfriend was suffering a horrendous cold and Jean freaked and fussed and fussed and  _fussed._

"Jean."  Disgruntled boyfriend said, deadpan and rosy-cheeked.  "Don't you think this is a bit much?"

Already bundled up in pyjamas and a Christmas sweater, Armin Arlert was wrapped in two duvets, three blankets, Jean's scarf and a Santa hat.  He had been wedged between pillows Jean had placed on the sofa, and a hot water bottle was tucked against his chest.  Armin suddenly sneezed and instantly regretted it as his boyfriend was immediately at his side practically shoving a whole box of tissues up his nose.

"If anything it's not enough."  Jean bit his lip,  _still_ looking overly concerned.  It was starting to tick Armin off quite a bit now.  "Are you warm enough?  I'll make you some hot chocolate - or soup, I can make soup!  Leek's your favourite, right?"

 _"Jeaaaan,_ it's too  _stuffy_ in here."  Armin wailed, and wriggled within his confinements.  "Look, I can't reach my phone and it's ringing!  Give it to me -"

Jean picked up the phone, glanced at the screen to see the caller before answering.  He ignored Armin's irritated protests as he said hello to his best friend on the other line before putting him on loudspeaker.

"Oh hey, Jean."  Marco didn't sound surprised to hear Jean's voice instead of Armin's.  "I tried calling your phone first actually.  Is Armin still not feeling any better?"

"I would be if Jean would stop acting like his mother."  Armin muttered before Jean could respond.  Marco laughed and got straight to the point of his call.

He and his girlfriend Mina had booked a cabin up in the mountains for Christmas next week, and were hoping to bring everyone up with them to celebrate the holidays.  Everyone would pitch in a little with the rent, food and drinks, and they'd double up for rooms.  Armin's eyes lit up at the idea, and he eagerly looked to Jean with high expectations.  Snowball fights during the day, sitting around the warm fire with hot drinks in their hands in the evening, snuggling with his boyfriend in their adorable cliché wooden cabin bed at night?  Jean would  _love_ it.

Armin's hope quickly gave way to frustration when he saw that Jean still had that stupid anxious look on his face.

"I dunno, Marco."  He sighed, sounding regretful as Armin fumed in his woollen prison.  "Armin's still not well, and if I take him up there where it's all deep snow and drafty cabin rooms... "

Armin grit his teeth, and then ungrit them because his nose was now blocked and his only option was to breathe through his mouth.  "Don, Christmas ist still anodder week away.  Dat's plenty of dime bor me to recover."

"Oh Armin, your sinuses are clogged again.  Where's the nasal relief stick thing?"

 _"Doh!_ Forget the nasal stick fing - we are going to dat cabin!  Yes Marco, we'd love t'come."

"Oh here it is.  Armin _sit still_ -"

_"Doh!  Get away from be -"_

"Oh boy,"  Marco cleared his throat, the sound tinny through the phone speaker.  "I don't want to be in the middle of a domestic.  Just text me when you guys decide okay?  Though it won't be the same without you if you don't come."

"See?  It won't be deh same without us if we're not -  _If you put dat effing stick anywhere near my nose it's going up your -"_ _  
_

"Uh, so yeah - bye guys.  Good luck, Armin."

Eventually after a long-drawn out recovery on Armin's part, Jean agreed to go to the cabin.  He was relieved to see Armin healthy and happy again, and was amused when he caught Armin humming Christmas pop songs as he packed their bags.  His boyfriend had never really been terribly fond of Christmas while growing up due to a lack of family presence during the holidays, but having spent the last few years with Jean had turned that around.  Now he was all about that Christmas spirit - bugging Jean to put up the decorations mid-November, buying a lot more crackers and eggnog than they really needed, and demanding to be lifted like a child to put the star atop their enthusiastically decorated Christmas tree.

So yes, of course Jean was happy to see his boyfriend so excited about the holidays.  But that didn't mean he still wasn't going to take every precaution when it came to Armin's health.  He secretly repacked their bags, replacing Armin's favourite 'skimpy' pyjamas with woolly ones, slipping cough syrup in the side pockets, and stuffing tissue packets in their socks.  All was well until Armin caught Jean trying to sneak the nasal stick into his toiletry bag.  Armin's merriment immediately turned foul.

They met up with the others on Christmas Eve, and Armin laughed and almost cried as he fell into his siblings' arms.  Mikasa smiled fondly as her adopted brother sobbed happily onto Armin's shoulder.  It had been months since they'd seen each other, and the same went for Jean and his best friends Marco and Mina.  He didn't cry though when they hugged him together, of course not.

He'd certainly felt like it on the flight though.  Over the last few days Armin had given him the cold shoulder (an ironic expression at this time), hardly speaking except to discuss arrangement for the cabin holiday, and shooting him icy glares when Jean dared asked him how he was feeling.  Even now with most of their group (it would be a total of eight when Sasha and Connie appeared later) present, Armin paid Jean no mind at all.  Which Jean understood, of course.  He was fine about it.  Armin hadn't seen his friends in months, so it was totally okay that his boyfriend was being completely ignored and not lovingly forgiven for being an overbearing mother hen even if it was Christmas...

But he still couldn't stop.  When they joined Connie and Sasha at the cabin and settled in (with collective 'oohs' and 'ahhs' at the cabin's cosy interior), a snowball fight was immediately initiated outside.  The plan was to muck about all day in the snow, come inside and exchange gifts and eat rubbish until they had their dinner at around ten - finishing in time for midnight and Christmas day.  But of course, the snowball fight was the priority.

"Armin, here's your s-"

"I'll be fine."  Armin replied shortly and hurried outside after the others, leaving Jean alone in the doorway with bundles of woollen items in his arms.

He followed them out, and resigned himself to join in.  They relived their old PE days from school, teaming up against each other in an all out snow war.  Unfortunately for Jean, Marco, Sasha and Mina - their PE classes had been split into girls and boys, and none of them were quite prepared for the snow  _missiles_ fired by Mikasa.  A lot of cursing and shrieking ensued after that.

Shaking the snow from his hair with a laugh after a flurry of hits, Jean looked around for Armin to target next.  It was pretty much every man for himself at this point.  He spotted him with Eren, both laughing and wrestling in the snow.  He smiled at Armin's enjoyment until he watched him catch a snowball to the chest, stagger backwards and cough violently into his gloved hands.

An irrational panic rose in Jean's own chest as he hurried towards him, arms outstretched and ready to scoop Armin up and carry him back to -

"Would you  _stop_ it already?"  Armin said irritably, pushing Jean away.  He stood up straight with teary eyes and red cheeks before stalking past him towards the others.  "Quit babying me."

Letting his arms fall to his sides, Jean turned and watched him go.  Trying to forget the stabbing hurt in his heart, Jean went back to the cabin on his own to start the preparations for dinner.  The others weren't exactly great cooks, and Jean didn't mind doing it all himself.  He needed something to take his mind off of Armin's cutting words anyway.

He had just put the turkey in the oven when the rest of them burst through the door, red-face and shivering and spilling snow everywhere.  They claimed the snow was coming down far too heavily now to remain outside, and that they were all starving now anyway.  Jean reminded them that the food would take a little while longer to cook and tried to catch Armin's eye.  His boyfriend was determinedly engaging Sasha in conversation and looking anywhere but Jean.

A long while later after presents were exchanges and games were played, the food was finally ready.  Everyone's bellies were rumbling audibly as the various buffet dishes and turkey were laid on the table.  Before they could eagerly dig in, Marco remembered the gifts left to them by the landlord.

"Apparently he had a bunch of leftover wine from when the last lot who rented this place stayed and he says it's all ours.  There's some extra sleeping bags too in case it gets a bit drafty during the night.  But it's like a ten minute walk down the hill to the storage cabin."

"I'll go."  Armin shrugged, then raised an eyebrow when everyone but Jean protested and offered to go instead.  "Look, I'm not really that hungry right now anyway.  So you guys get started on the food and I'll be back in like half an hour."

"Uh, Armin you can't carry all that stuff back yourself."  Eren scraped back his chair and stood, wincing at his stomach gave a painful growl.  "I'll come with you."

Armin rolled his eyes with a "Not you too, jeez.  Honestly, I'll be back in half an hour.  It's getting kind of stuffy in here now anyway."

Everyone gave incoherent mumbles but ultimately let it go, because they were all well aware of Armin's animosity towards anyone who implied he wasn't capable.  None of them wanted to be subjected to what Jean was currently suffering.

But, of course, Jean still couldn't help himself.

"I'm coming, Armin.  Just give me two minutes to find your other sweater -"

"Don't bother."  Armin snapped, and the others collectively winced.  "I think you've suffocated me enough this Christmas."

Stunned, Jean and the others watched as Armin collected the storage cabin keys and stormed out the door without his coat into the heavy snow, shutting the door behind him with a slam.  Jean swallowed and sank back into his chair, aware of everyone's pitying eyes on him.  He shrugged and tried to laugh it off as Mina placed a hand on his shoulder and said "You know he still gets kind of snippy around Christmas.  Don't worry too much about it, okay?"

If Jean could stop himself from worrying, he wouldn't be having this problem in the first place.  He encouraged the rest of them to eat even though they insisted on waiting for Armin.  Truth be told, Jean had worked hard on tonight's dinner and he wanted everyone to try it while it was hot out of the oven and at its tastiest - even if his boyfriend was mad enough at him to stalk out into a snowstorm.  He kept glancing at the door, waiting for Armin to fall through it weighed under snow and the wine bottles.  He tried squinting out of the windows, but all he could see was a fluffy of white specks against a dark sky.  He thought about ringing Armin's mobile until he remembered that he'd left it in his coat.  Besides, his own mobile showed no reception anyway.

"Um, hey..."  Jean cleared his throat as the others were almost done clearing their plates.  "How long has Armin been gone?"

They all glanced at each other before looking at their respective watches or devices.  "Like... forty-ish minutes."  Marco frowned.  "I wouldn't be too concerned though, it took us that long to walk up here earlier as well."

"So you're saying he should be here by now?"

"Well... I don't know.  There's the snow, plus if he's carrying a lot of stuff... It might take Armin a little longer."

Not entirely convinced, Jean let it go for the time being.  He pushed the potatoes around his plate for another ten minutes or so while the others talked as normal, having lost his own appetite.  When 'forty-ish' minutes became over an hour, Jean jumped to his feet, ripping off his party hat and announcing he was going to look for Armin.  Eren and Mikasa immediately stood, but Jean talked them back down - reminding them if they threw an all out search party for Armin then he would lose his temper with all of them.

More familiar with Armin's mood turns then anyone else, Eren and Mikasa exchanged guilty glances before dropping back into their seats.  In under a minute, Jean was wrapped up and out the door, carrying extra outside clothing for Armin.  He stuffed the clothes and some leftover food in several insulated bags to keep them dry.  It wouldn't do much good to give him damp clothes - pneumonia was the last thing Armin needed.

He struggled to see as he trudged down the hill, the billowing wind doing its best to knock him over into the snow, and the flakes constantly hitting his face as he moved.  It was fifteen minutes before he spotted the dark shape ahead, and hurried towards the storage cabin.  He was relieved to see the dull orange glow from the window as he approached, knowing Armin must still be inside and at least out of the weather.

The snow was up to his kneecaps by the time he reached the door, and he hammered on the wood calling Armin's name.  He heard a sharp clink and a dull thud, then hurried footsteps and a relieved voice.

"Oh thank god - Jean?  Is that you?"

"Yeah, Arm - it's me.  What's taking you so long?"  Jean had to strain his voice to be heard over the wind, and then strain his ears to hear Armin's muffled replies.

"Well, first of all it took me ages to find this flipping place.  And what Marco failed to mention is that the wine is on the  _highest_ shelf in here.  And now the door's jammed and I can't get out - I think the snow's blocking it.  Can you move it?"

Well, he could try.  Jean, still keeping a tight grip on the extra clothes, tried lifting his feet out of the snow without much success.  He tried shifting the snow with one hand, digging down and trying to reach the bottom of the door.  It was a useless move, since the snow was still hailing down and filling up as quickly as he digged.

 _"Shit._ I can't move it!"  With extreme difficulty, Jean lifted a foot and gave the door a hard kick.  He heard Armin's small sound of surprise and kicked again.  The door didn't budge.  "God effing  _damn it!"_

"Jean, what time is it?"

Pulling up his sleeve, Jean brought his watch close to his face and squinted.  "Uh... 11:52."

"And the snow's not going to let up any time soon..."  Armin's voice softened, and Jean had to press his ear against the door to hear him.  "I'm going to be stuck in here all night.  I'll... be alone at Christmas again.  God, I almost forgot what it was like.  It's been so long... "

Those words caused fierce determination to spark in Jean's chest.  He was angry with the weather.  He was angry at the door.  He was angry at Armin's family for doing this to him for so long.  But he wasn't about to let Armin be alone again.  Not on his life.  It was Christmas for god's sake.

He yelled for Armin to step back, and started hammering on the door again.  He kicked and pounded with his fists, grunting with the effort and appreciating Armin's frantic "Oh god, be careful!"

After several minutes (his watch reading 11:57), Jean battered the door down and fell forward.  He heard Armin yelp as the snow spilled into the cabin, and both quickly joined their efforts into pushing out the snow and cramming the door shut securely.  Breathing hard, Jean gathered Armin to himself in a tight embrace and internally scolded himself for letting Armin come out here alone.  Armin, shivering inside a sleeping bag, clutched back and whimpered apologies over Jean's own.

"Just... please don't say 'I told you so'."  Armin said, looking down in shame and embarrassment when they finally drew apart slightly.  "I'm cold and hungry and stupid because it's my fault but... But it's Christmas, right?"

Jean managed a smile, ducking down to dig out the clothes and food.  Armin's eyes went wide and his mouth hung open in longing.  "I love you."

"I love you too.  Now hurry up and put these on."

Jean was glad to see that Armin had managed to drag out a small electric fan heater and plugged it into a socket (which he was frankly surprised that it worked), and made a mental note to thank the landlord when they got out of here.  He pulled out the sleeping bags and joined them together as Armin dressed and ate the food, letting out relieved noises and muffled moans that Jean was trying to ignore.

Full and warm again, Armin accepted Jean's invitation into the double sleeping bag and clung on to him like a limpet.  They were positioned so that Armin's back was against the heater, tucking whatever spare cloth material they could find under the door and around the window frames to block the draft.  The wind and snow were still battering against the door and window panes, but they were more than content to lay entwined in their sleeping bag and pretend they were home.

"You know..."  Armin mumbled into Jean's neck.  "We'd get a lot warmer a lot quicker if we weren't wearing any clothes."

Jean smiled, pressed his face into Armin's hair and breathed in.

"I'm not kidding, you know."

"I know."  Jean laughed, and then remembered.  He lifted his arm away from Armin (who gave a displeased mewl) and checked the time.  12:17.

"Hey Armin..."

"Mm?"

"Merry Christmas."

He felt Armin smile against his neck and wriggle closer.  "Mm, yeah.  Merry Christmas, Jean."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is actually the alternative to what i originally wrote. the original draft was like 100% angst though and no fluff, but i thought okay it's christmas i'll put the 'if only' version out first.
> 
> have a nice christmas everyone!!


	4. Invested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A late night phonecall from Eren has Jean in an unlikely position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may be on a tumblr hiatus but clearly i still don't know how to stay away. this was a sleepy experiment anyway so it's not edited or anything like everything else i write.
> 
> this tidbit takes place after the events of 'it's not like they're friends or anything' too, where jean and armin have been living together in germany for maybe a year. upped the rating for some smut that doesn't go anywhere.

It wasn't uncommon for an obnoxious chanting to ring throughout the apartment in the wee hours of the morning.  In fact, Jean had grown to expect it to interrupt his precious evenings at home.  Especially recently.  For the past fortnight whether he was working, simply relaxing, or was "busy" with his adorable boyfriend - without fail he would eventually end up huffing at the familiar and dumb tone.

Tonight was no different as he looked up from his sketch pad with a scowl, the noise disturbing his concentration.

"You've had the same ringtone since you were sixteen - isn't it time for a change?"  He grumbled.

"It's only specific to Eren's number."  Armin clarified, shoving his laptop away to reach across the bed and rummage through his backpack.  Jean found himself regretting his choice of work location as Armin's movement caused the mattress below them to dip and Jean's body to tilt.  The pencil in his hand skidded across the page, and Jean hissed in annoyance as his sketch was irreparably ruined.  It was a practice draw but still.

Irritably tearing the sheet from the pad, Jean started anew.  He waved away Armin's hasty apology with a grunt.

"Do you have a ringtone specific to me then?"

"I do."  Armin said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly as he finally scooped up his phone.

"Oh?  What is it then?"

Armin gave him a little smile, and Jean's chest ached slightly at the shadows under his eyes.  He couldn't forget that his boyfriend was just as tired and overworked as he was.  Those bags were becoming a matching permanent feature on the both of them lately, and Jean didn't like it.

"Guess."  Armin pecked him on the cheek before answering his phone with false brightness.  "Hey Eren, how are you?"

Jean wondered how Armin could always do that.  Be all shining and cheerful when he knew that all he wanted to do was crawl under his duvet for a week.  It was a gift Jean certainly didn't share - he never chose to hid what a grumpy bastard he could be sometimes.  Not for anyone.

Resigning himself to hearing and not partaking in a long night of blathering, he returned to his pad and tried to force himself to work without inspiration.

It would be so easy to move to the living area though.  Lying stomach-down on his bed wasn't exactly a convenient position for drawing, and the chattering to his left would surely distract him.  He had a scarily close deadline after all.  And despite that, he still couldn't bring himself to move.

He guessed (or knew, rather) it had something to do with Armin.  Just being next to him and hearing the soft sound of his voice soothed his nerves.  He certainly knew that being near Armin was a hell of a lot better than not being near him.  Plus, Jean's boyfriend had a tendency to play with Jean's hair whilst on the phone.  And that was exactly what a stressed out, affection-seeking boyfriend needed at this time.

He hummed deep in his throat when he got his wish, resisting the urge to roll his head back when he felt Armin's fingertips rub behind his ear.

"- rubbish brand.  Tell her if she uses Rimmel it'll chip before the day's over.  The best stuff is... No, of course I don't expect you to remember the brands.  I'll just text Mikasa later."  Jean could imagine Armin's eye roll there perfectly.  Picturing Eren's bored expression was easy too.

"So, you're seeing Annie again tonight huh?"  Armin's voice took on a more mischievous tone, and Jean bit back a groan as Armin's hand ran through his hair - pulling back his head so Jean could glare up at him.

“Hm?  No, I’m not alone but it’s just Jea- “

_“MAKE HIM LEAVE.”_

Jean blinked at the distorted sound as Armin winced and held the phone away from his ear.

“Uh…”  Armin looked at him apologetically.  Clearly whatever Eren wanted to discuss about Annie was not for Jean's ears.  It would've been easy to pretend to leave the room, but Jean knew that he probably wouldn't be able to resist commenting on whatever Eren's dilemma was.

So Jean rolled his eyes, and pulled himself away from Armin's reach with some effort.  He gathered his things from the bed and migrated to the main living area.  It was probably for the best.  He had work to get on with, and he'd been getting dangerously close to feeling aroused. 

Just under an hour later, a small sigh let him know that Armin was finally off the call.  He looked up from his work to see his boyfriend slumped against the bedroom doorframe, looking exhausted and very much done with the world.

“Let me guess - he wants to have a threesome.”

Armin gave him a look that let him know he was very much done with Jean too.

“Alright, what then?  Is everything okay with Annie?"

Armin rubbed his eyes and didn’t say anything.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot I’m not part of the secret childhood BFF society - I don’t get told anything.”

“It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Whatever,”  Jean turned back to his work as Armin moved towards him.  “I don’t have time to pretend to give a shit about Eren’s problems anyway.”

He was aware of Armin hesitating behind him before sitting cross-legged on their cheap sofa and opening up his laptop to begin to type.  He ignored him and continued sketching.

It wasn’t that he cared about being left in the dark again, not really.  He was pretty much used to the inner circle of Armin, Eren and Mikasa; but he thought that at least he and Eren had become friends.  For the most part.  It sort of sucked to feel like Eren still didn’t really trust him - but whatever.  Fair enough, Jean wouldn’t exactly go to Eren for relationship advice either.  Two-way street, he guessed.

It also didn’t help his mood that he was functioning on three hours of sleep and ten cups of coffee, had three more pieces due by the end of the week, and had to leave for an early shift at the cafe in six hours.  Basically, he was already cranky as fuck without the added bitterness.

Forcing himself to concentrate, Jean pushed all thoughts of Eren from his mind as he continued sketching.  For the better part of an hour he was able to focus on the work in front of him and made enough progress to satisfy that he’d done what he could for the night.

_...Maybe I can push myself a little more._

Jean figured that if he was still awake enough to (barely) see straight then he could probably do a little work before he packed it in and went to bed.  He reached for a different pencil, underestimating the strength he had left in his cramped hand, and knocked over the empty mug instead.

“Ff…”

He didn’t even have the energy to bitch about it out loud.  He just hung his head low and groaned quietly, closing his eyes as his vision inevitably began to blur.

“Baby, go to bed already,”  Jean heard a shifting to his left and the sound of a laptop snapping shut.  Warm fingertips ran soothingly through his hair.  “You’re stretching yourself too thin again - you need to rest.”

“I know, but there’s no fucking time to do it.”

Jean pushed the canvas and utensils away from himself, propping himself up on his elbows and rubbing at his aching eyes.  It hurt to close them.  He allowed small hands to gently roll him on to his back and place a cushion under his head, letting him splay out across the floor and stare blearily at the ceiling.  A warm and heavy weight settled on his hips at the same time hands pushed up his shirt.

“Arm… I want to, I do but… “

_I’m so fucking tired I can’t think straight._

If he was being honest, he did badly want to touch Armin and be touched back.  Between the two of them, free time was sparse and most of it was spent catching up on sleep.  Jean was painfully aware that they hadn’t had sex in weeks, and has been having increasingly frequent bouts of frustration when he needed them least.

The other day, an innocently toned text message from Armin during work had Jean furiously trying to get himself off in the bathroom on his break in a desperate attempt to relieve some of his tension.

Of course, he’d spent the remainder of the day hopping on his toes and dying to get home - however when he got there, Armin was already curled up in bed with an open book on his pillow, snoring quietly and looking so fucking perfect that Jean couldn’t bring himself to wake him.

He weakly raised his arms to push Armin away, but couldn’t even find the strength or the will to do anymore than brush his hands against Armin’s upper arms.

“Shh, you don’t have to do anything,”  Armin murmured as he tugged down Jean’s trousers and began rubbing his palm against his front.  “Just let me make you feel good for a while, okay?”

For all of Jean’s exhaustion, he reacted pretty quickly to Armin’s hand and was fully hard in no time.  He decided to do as he was told and stopped pretending to resist; resting his hand on Armin’s head as he removed his Jean’s underwear and ducked down to take Jean in his mouth.

Jean let out a low strained groan at the familiar warmth enveloping his cock - made better by the way Armin hummed contentedly around him.  He knew how much Armin loved oral, both giving and receiving, and confirmed that knowledge when he cracked open an eye to catch Armin lazily grinding himself against Jean’s leg.  He felt a brief flash of guilt for being too sleepy to reciprocate before raising his knee to press into Armin's crotch.  He received an appreciative hum in response and curled his toes as Armin took him in deeper and hollowed his cheeks.  Heat flared and spread from his stomach at such a pace Jean felt sure he would pass out afterwards.

 "A-ah... shit.  Armin, wait -"  Squeezing his eyes shut, he fought to keep his hips down as he felt the wet inside of Armin's mouth draw him closer to the edge.  His stamina was ridiculously low tonight.

Armin drew back with a deep breath before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.  He sat up and gazed hazily at his boyfriend, grinding a little more insistently against his knee as he returned his hand to between Jean's legs.

"Do you want me to keep going?"

His heart thumping at the thought, Jean gave an eager grunt and spread his legs a little more.  He still hadn't come and it wasn’t even worth the effort to get embarrassed; he just wanted fucked already.

Armin wasted no time in shimmying off his clothes and positioning himself between Jean’s legs before hesitating.  “Oh wait - two secs, I’ll get t- “

“No Armin, just -”  Jean suddenly found the strength to sit up and grab Armin’s wrist, forcing him to stay where he was.  “Don’t bother.  I want you now.”

Armin’s face reddened slightly but he didn’t look away from Jean’s stare.  “Let me get the lube at least.  I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You also don’t want to leave me lying here naked on my own for more than ten seconds - I swear I’ll get off on my own if you leave.”

His boyfriend rolled his eyes dramatically before leaning forward to kiss him lightly on the mouth.  “Okay then.  Tell me if you want to stop.”

“I won’t.”

He rolled his eyes again, gave Jean one last lazy kiss and repositioned himself - sucking at the fingers of one hand while stroking himself with the other.  Watching the erotic display, Jean’s toes curled as he gripped the carpet in anticipation.  It had been so long, so long -

A shrill ringing cut through the room and startled them both into stillness.  They stared at each other in bewilderment, until it dawned on them both what the sound was.

Jean’s phone buzzed so violently that it edged off the couch and fell to the floor where it continued to ring.  

Jean thought he might cry.  He was convinced he would when he caught the conflicted look on Armin’s face as he sat back on his heels and withdrew his fingers from his mouth with a wet pop.

“We’re ignoring it.”

“Jean -”

“Ignore it, Armin.”

“It could be work - “

“The cafe is calling me at 1AM?”

“What if it’s someone back home?  It could be an emergency.”

Jean groaned and leaned over to snatch up his mobile and scowl at the screen.

_EREN JAGER._

“What the fuck.  No fucking way am I answering that.”

Armin crawled over and squinted at the screen.  An deeply annoyed expression crossed his face and he sighed impatiently, running both hands through his hair before interlocking the fingers at the back of his head.  “Answer it.”

“What?  No!  We're finally gonna do it and you expect me to give it up for Eren?”

“I’ll still be here when you’ve finished.”  Armin said wearily, tugging up his underwear and getting to his feet to move across the room.  “Just come through when you’re done.”

“What the - No, don’t you dare go to bed and fall asleep after you’ve gotten me all awake and excited.”

“I won’t fall asleep!”  He insisted.  “I’m just going to take a really long and really cold shower.”  He hesitated in the doorway before shaking his head and muttering:  “Our phone bills are going to be huge.  I don’t know why we don’t just use Skype…”

_Cause I don’t want to see his ugly mug._  Jean thought darkly, pulling his clothes back on as Armin slipped back into their bedroom.  He noticed with some annoyance that Armin had just left his own clothing in a heap on the floor.  As he tended to do all the time.

It was just as well Jean’d gone soft already when he finally hit the answer button.

“Eren you better be fucking dying or something because if you’re not I’ll kill you myself.”

“Funny you say that, I think I might actually be having a stroke.”

“What?”  Jean sat more upright at Eren’s hurried whisper.  “Where are you?”

“Annie’s bathroom.”

“Oh my god, Eren.”

“Don’t you _'oh my god, Eren'_ me -  _help me.”_

“Help you with what, you romantically inept moron?”

“Help me with… with this… “

“With what?”

“I…”

If it wasn’t for the fact that Eren sounded genuinely panicked, and that Armin would tell him off for doing so, Jean would’ve hung up on him.  Instead he forced himself to take a breath, rise unsteadily to his feet, and into the kitchen for more caffeine.  They were friends after all, he and Eren.  Sure they had a somewhat rocky relationship during their school days, but with more time together due to a certain someone and growth of maturity, they found they could get along better than anyone else expected.

This whole calling at 1AM asking for advice thing was new though.  It was Armin's territory - a best friend thing to discuss crushes and sex and boys (and girls, Jean supposed in Eren's case).  But whatever.  If for some reason Eren decided to hear Jean's opinion as well as Armin's, then sure.  Jean would bite.  He was tired and horny but he'd push that to the side for the sake of Eren's sanity.  Let no one say Jean Kirschstein was not an awesome friend.

"Okay.  Start from the beginning.  What's happened tonight?"

"Right.  Okay...  _fuuuuuuuck._ Okay, so - I was getting all whiny about missing you guys and reminiscing about us at school and whatever and I think Annie was getting kind of sick of it so she suggested we go a wander around the old town.  You know, my old primary school, the skate park... So I was like yeah, sure so we went on the walk and it was fine and everything til I walked her home and she just like... stood there.  At the doorway.  Like she was waiting for me to do something."

"And did you?"

"Ugh... yeah, I... I kissed her.  Sorta."

Jean furrowed his brows, leaned back on the counter top and frowned at the ceiling.  He was trying to put his tired imagination to work here.  "You  _sorta_ kissed her.  How do you only sort of kiss someone?"

"Well, she's really short and I was panicking cause it felt like there was this huge pressure so... I kinda just grazed her top lip and bumped her nose a little."  Eren mumbled, sounding absolutely mortified.  Suddenly Jean was having the time of his life.

"Of course you did.  Be hard not to bump that nose."

"Oi, focus."  Eren hissed down the phone.  "So after that she just blinked and said I could come in and we could chill for a bit if I liked since her step-mum was out for the weekend.  That kinda... spooked me a bit."

_"Spooked_ you?  What like, you got nervous?"

"Yeah, like... really  _really_ uneasy.  I practically started sweating on the spot when I said okay cause I felt like it would've been weird not to.  I mean, like... "  Eren's voice lowered even further and Jean had to strain his ears to hear.  "What if she like, expects... you know.  Sex?  I dunno if I... When I called Armin about it earlier to ask him he said it was normal for me to be nervous but... I don't think he really understood just how freaked I was.  He kept giving me advice on how to like...  _seduce_ her or whatever like... it was actually kinda gross.  And _fuck_  - I've been shitting myself all day and now I'm in her tiny pink bathroom while she's waiting for me downstairs and I don't know whether to just fucking go down there and get it over with or just tell her I don't wanna... God, you must think I'm a complete pissbaby and that there must be something really wrong with me."

The relationship between Eren and Annie was always somewhat of a question mark to all of them.  To see them together reminded Jean more of an unromantic crime-fighting duo than a couple since they barely touched nor seemed to have any inclination to do so.  They certainly didn't talk like they were a loving couple either.  He remembered seeing them together a lot during their sixth and final year at school, but neither of them gave any indication that they had any sort of feelings towards each other.  He doubted Eren had even thought about it.

Armin had always insisted that Eren liked her really but was really shy and didn't know how to show it.  What about Annie then, Jean had asked and Armin claimed that she was secretly the same.  Jean wasn't convinced, but put it down to the fact that Armin certainly knew his best friend more than he did and let it be.  Now he wasn't so sure he should leave it be at all.  When Eren quietly commented that he felt really nauseous, Jean knew he had to say  _something_ to ease his anxiety.

"You know, Eren... you don't have to have sex with her if you don't want to.  I don't think there's anything wrong with you.  I mean, it's okay not to be ready and everything if that's what it is."  Jean took a large gulp of his coffee and started to pace around the kitchen area.  He was sure his words would flow better and he would stay awake if he kept moving.  "Hell, I wasn't even sure you liked Annie that way anyway.  Do you?"

"You say 'that way'... You mean romantically?"

"Yeah, romantically."

"Well, I dunno.  What's... What's the difference between liking someone romantically and... as a friend?"  Eren sounded hesitant, as though he was maybe expecting Jean to shout at him for being an idiot.

Quite the contrary, Jean wasn't even sure how to answer that.  Sex aside, what  _was_ the difference?  He could call Armin over and ask for a textbook definition but now didn't seem the time.

"I mean, I know there's the physical stuff obviously."  Eren added hastily.  "But say for example... that wasn't a factor in either one.  How could you tell?"

"Uh..."

_Bugger.  I'm way too tired to talk about the semantics of love.  I've been in the same romantic and sexual relationship since I was sixteen, how would I know the difference?_

Sighing, Jean slumped to the floor of the living area and began folding Armin's discarded clothes.  He couldn't lie and say the obvious difference between friendship and romance would be sex and without it there was no difference.  He knew that wasn't true even if he'd never experienced it.  Nor had he met anyone to his knowledge that was in a nonsexual romantic relationship.  He didn't know anything really, besides some internet research on asexuality when it came up during a group discussion in one of his classes.  Honestly speaking, he thought Eren couldn't have a picked a worse person to talk about this with.

"Okay, then let's say for argument's sake that you're asexual.  Know what that is?"

"Um..."

"Basically, in the vaguest terms possible, it means you're a person with like zero percent interest in having sex.  Well actually... nah, it's more like you've not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender.  You can narrow it down further but let's stick with that for now.  So -"

"Oh my god, is that like a real thing?  To not like find someone sexually attractive?"

"Yeah, totally.  It's a recognised sexual orientation and there's loads of people out there who identify with it."

Jean heard Eren breathe out a quite  _"Well, shit."_ before he heard nothing else.  He could imagine Eren sitting in awe on Annie's closed toilet seat, staring at the back of the door and feeling as though someone had just told him the sky was actually purple and stars are living breathing creatures.  And that it was totally cool to know it.

"And Eren?"  Jean said, guessing he'd just hit the nail on the head after all.  "There's nothing wrong with it.  There's nothing wrong with you if you _are_ asexual."

"A-ah... Right.  Um, so let's say hypothetically that's me.  Asexual.  Okay, that's great and everything but what about my question?  I mean, that doesn't mean I can't want a relationship with someone right?"

"Oh no, you can totally still wanna be romantic with someone if you're ace.  Like I said, there's like loads of types of asexuals who are into people romantically, who aren't, that are repulsed by sex, that have sex - seriously it's so varied.  Besides, no one can tell you what you're into but you.  If that makes sense to you.  So you can still be super into Annie - if you  _are_ into Annie - without having the urge to touch her sexually or whatever.  Feel better?"

"Kinda.  But like you said, I don't even know if I do like Annie that way.  I dunno if I've ever wanted more out of a friendship - if that's an okay way to phrase it?  God, I've been in here for ages - she'll think I've climbed out the window or that I'm taking a shit or something... "

"Okay, well - uh - "  Jean forced the cogs in his brain to turn, anxious to end the call and return to the bedroom.  He was glad Eren was discovering himself in Annie's bathroom, but it wasn't really an ideal situation for either of them.  "It depends on a lot of things.  Cause you treat individual friends differently depending on your closeness and what kind of person they are... So, an example, um... Marco!  Marco's my best friend so I like hanging out with him and I miss him when he's not here and when I do see him sometimes it's like 'wow, I can't believe someone this cool is my best friend' and like... okay, stop giggling at me when I'm trying to help you."

"Psh... sorry."  Eren snickered.  "That's real sweet of you, seriously."

"Whereas with Armin it's like all of that... but magnified.  I'll think about him when he's not around, and my heart just sorta swells and I can't help smiling and think 'I'm the luckiest guy in the world' and know that I wanna be with him all the time until we run out of it."

"Huh."  Eren said thoughtfully, and Jean was surprised by the lack of teasing for the sincerely romantic junk that just spilled from his mouth.  "I get it.  I think I've felt that too."

"About Annie?"

"Oh... maybe."

_Well that was a kind of ambiguous response._  Jean thought dully.   _I wonder if he really gets it._

But he didn't want to dwell too much on that.  Not tonight anyway.  He had a soft warm bed to get to and a soft warm boyfriend to spoon.

"So yeah, you should probably get downstairs and have a conversation with Annie about it.  Do more research about it when you get home and call me during  _daylight hours please."_

Eren's gulp was audible down the line.  Clearly he was as excited for this conversation as he was at the prospect of sex.  Jean reassured him that Annie didn't seem the type that would react badly, and for all they knew she could just be reluctantly going with the flow too.

Claiming he felt a little less uneasy about it, Eren agreed it was time to set things straight with Annie.  And then sheepishly asked that Jean not mention anything to Armin yet.

"Yeah, yeah my lips are sealed.  Now go downstairs before she thinks you've died in her bathroom."

He hung up and switched off the phone before tossing it back to the couch.  Setting Armin's clothes in a neat pile on top of the washing basket, he turned off all the lights in the room and went to their bedroom.  He found Armin perched on the edge of the bed, in fresh pyjamas and lightly towelling his hair.  The bathroom door was open slightly, allowing a sliver of light to fall across Armin's unimpressed face.

"I assume Eren didn't think my seduction tips were any good then?  I freaking knew he'd end up asking you for advice."  He grumbled, dropping the towel to the floor and finger combing his hair instead.  Normally Jean would've picked up the towel to fold and scolded him.  Instead he fell onto the bed with a creak, sat behind his boyfriend and pressed his face to his shoulder.

"...on you, didn't it?  To be honest, picturing them going at it sorta killed my mood.  Is it okay if... Jean?  Baby, what's...?"

Jean bit his lip, burying his nose into the damp blond hair.  He felt his throat close up as his eyes began to burn.  He wasn't sure if it was a tired thing to be suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, but he couldn't describe it and didn't know how to voice it.

"Can we... Can we just go to sleep now?"  He croaked.

Armin twisted in his arms to look at him and gently caress his temples.  "Sure."  He said softly, kissing Jean's face with the lightest of touches.  He didn't ask if there was anything wrong, and he wouldn't.  Not tonight at least.

Jean let himself be undressed against to his underwear. raising his arms and lifting his hips as Armin needed, and pushed onto his back.  He pulled Armin down with him, tangling their legs together and closing his eyes as Armin pressed his face against the crook of his neck with a sigh.  This is where he was meant to be.

"I've set an alarm for you."  Armin murmured and Jean grunted appreciatively.  "And I'll take care of dinner tomorrow."

He managed a light snort and felt Armin smile against his skin.  "By that, I mean I'll order take-out."

 

 

*

 

 

**You have one voicemail message.  Received at 02:57.**

 

_"Oh hey - you're asleep already?  Ignoring me maybe.  Either that or you guys are canoodling again I guess.  ...Urgh.  Now I've just grossed myself out picturing that.  Anyway, just wanna let you know the talk with Annie went alright actually.  She was pretty cool about me wanting to figure shit out about my sexuality and stuff before we did anything or slapped a label on us.  Turns out she wasn't too keen on doing anything either.  She actually seemed kinda interested when I told her about asexuality so we're gonna like do some home research separately before we hang out again.  I dunno if I'll have anything solid to say to her, but it's kinda awesome to know that there's something I can maybe identify with after all.  So yeah, I just wanted to say thanks for like... Not letting me flip out in her bathroom and telling me stuff I needed to know.  I appreciate it and... yeah.  Tell Armin I'll skype you guys tomorrow whenever you're free and we can talk about you guys coming back to visit!  I know I'm always banging on about it but... whatever, I miss you guys.  Both of you.  We all do, so we gotta figure something out soon alright?  While I remember - Mum says to expect a package from her so I'm just warning you now about her scratchy scarfs.  Mikasa's are even worse, haha!  But they get weirdly happy when you wear them so yeah, you'd better not upset my mum and sister by not wearing 'em!  Anyway - I'm gonna head off to bed now, so I'll hopefully see you tomorrow.  Love you guys! ...Uh, I mean... yeah, I do actually.  Love you both, I mean.  Er, so yeah... night.  Happy canoodles or whatever it is you guys do, haha!  Jesus, 'happy canoodles' what the hell am I think-_

 

**You have no new messages.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i started the original fic over a year ago i don't think i initially intended eren to be asexual. heck a year ago i didn't even realise I was asexual. i don't think i even knew what it was.  
> but i just felt it made sense for eren to be ace in this au, cause like when jean called him out on not expecting armin to be in a romantic&sexual relationship eren was just like "?? i'd never even considered the possibility of that happening".
> 
> i was also skimming over it's not like they're friends or anything the other day, fixing grammar and reducing profanity etc that was bothering me and oh man there's so many things i wish i'd done better character-wise. and plot-wise to be honest, but hey ho it's already out there and completed and the feedback has been incredible so i really can't complain. ta guys, i always really appreciate it.


	5. love u too sweetcheeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean enjoyed his life. He loved his friends, his classes challenged him in a way that both frustrated and motivated him to do better, and turning eighteen brought about a sense of freedom he very much appreciated. He enjoyed his life. And although he hated to acknowledge it, but Jean had gotten used to not seeing his boyfriend every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the result of three really good cups of coffee, b&j's greek yoghurt ice cream, leftover birthday cake and [carly rae jepsen's new song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77PzXCKDyVQ) and [an old one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYY6k7cg5_w) on repeat. which is weird because it doesn't fit the tone of this chapter at all.
> 
> and if you can't tell already, i'm an impulse writer and plan absolutely nothing so i apologise in advance for the lack of editing.

It was shockingly easy to slip into a routine.  On the days Jean had college he would drink his weight in caffeine, go to class, not see Armin, then go home and do whatever extra work said class required.  On the days he didn't have college, he'd chill out with his friends, maybe do some extra work if he felt like it, not see Armin, and maybe go drinking at night with his those friends and their shiny new IDs.  And on those between days he'd go to his part-time job, not see Armin, and attend to some family obligations that he secretly didn't actually hate.

And Jean enjoyed his life.  He loved his friends, his classes challenged him in a way that both frustrated and motivated him to do better, and turning eighteen brought about a new sense of freedom he very much appreciated.  He enjoyed his life.  And although he hated to acknowledge it, but Jean had gotten used to not seeing his boyfriend every day.

Of course, Jean's definition of 'seeing' involved touching, sharing kisses, and inhaling that apple-scented shampoo he hoped Armin would never grow out of.  So when their interactions whittled down to (usually, though not lately) twice-weekly video chats and text messaging after a year and a half of almost daily touching, kissing, inhaling and  __seeing -_ _ then yeah, Jean didn't feel like lingering on those thoughts too much.  Instead he learned to be comfortable with the distance, knowing that he could just as easily make himself miserable over it but recognising that it would only be hurting both Armin and himself.

So he got used to it, and believed Armin did the same.  Though it was easy enough to to break routine too, and usually neither of them minded.  Today was one of those days - a day off both work and college for Jean, whose workload had been building up towards the holidays and was cramming in as much as possible before then.  So he'd holed himself up in his room, put The Vaccines on at full volume and was expecting to work well into the evening.  He was determined to have absolutely nothing left to do by the time Christmas rolled around for more reasons than one.

He'd been settled for an hour or so, having mastered the art of murmuring lyrics to himself without distraction and only stopping to put another chill-flavoured crisp in his mouth, when loud tinny music startled him out of his focus.  Swiping his phone from the desk, Jean dropped his pencil with a grin and answered upon seeing the name of the caller.

"Hey, birthday boy."

"You're two days late."  Came the blunt retort.

"And about two weeks early for our anniversary."

Armin groan echoed down the line and Jean chuckled as he attempted to defend himself.  "I did try calling you, but I just got that daft voicemail message you set up.  Apparently you were in class each time I called."

"I  __was.__ My tutor was determined to ruin my birthday with an extensive lecture on German idioms - as if those'll help me when I'm trying to tell the cafeteria lady  _no,_  I  _don't_ want custard on my goose."

"Custard on your goose."  Jean repeated with a snort and received a tired sigh in response.  "Hey, did you get my present?"

"Uh... no, sorry.  Nothing from you yet."

"Aw what - I swore I sent it on the same day Eren did and I know you got his already.   _Damn _.__ Sorry love, I wanted you to have something from me to open on the day."

"Oh, I don't mind.  It didn't feel much like a birthday anyway, being in class almost the entire day."

And that was exactly what Jean had been afraid of.  He'd expected Armin to fully throw himself into his course as well as take up learning the language in a new country.  And of course he had dove in headfirst and rarely had the time to spare for much socialising.  And for all of Jean's encouragement throughout the year and genuine happiness for Armin's great university adventure across the sea, he hadn't been able to quell the niggling worry that Armin would be incredibly lonely on his own.  After all, Jean was still at home with his family and friends around to support (and alternatively _annoy)_ him.  He couldn't walk a few miles from home without running into someone he knew - but Armin didn't have that anymore.  He had to make do with late-night phonecalls and blurry virtual copies of his friends on his laptop screen.

 _But that's what the trip next month is for _-_ _ Jean told himself.   _Nine days including Christmas and New Year to make up for all the time spent apart.  It's the reason we're both working so hard after all, isn't it?  Get all the reports and pieces out of the way so we don't get distracted during our only time together._

"But hey, I'm not... not busy right  _now."_ Armin said somewhat hopefully.  "We could...celebrate? And to be honest I could use some, um... stress relief."

"Celebrate?  I'll serenade you if you like."  Jean grinned, reaching over the desk to scroll through the artists on his music player.  He toyed with the idea of just putting on one of his most embarrassing playlists full of songs that reminded him of his boyfriend, but he knew he would struggle to remember which ones were Armin-approved.

"Not really what I had in mind, but okay."  Came the reply, tinged with a quiet sigh but Jean could imagine a small smile on his boyfriend's face.  "God, what are you even listening to right now?"

"I thought you liked this one!  Here, listen -  _Eleaaaaaaaaaaaaanor, Eleaaaaa _-"_ _

"Oh, right no - I do!  It just sounded distorted through the phone so I didn't recognise it."  Armin mumbled, and Jean settled for just turning the music down low altogether.  "No really, I like it.  Sing that one, okay?"

Jean eyed the half-formed essay in front of him, chewing his lip and switching his mobile to the opposite ear.  Multi-tasking.  Sure, he could do that.  And he did, in that sing-song murmur-y way.  And maybe ever so slightly off-key but he did, and hesitantly resumed writing.

Armin remained silent, occasionally humming quietly in tune but didn't interrupt.  Even when the song faded out and the next began, there was nothing but the soft sounds of Armin's breaths in Jean's ear.  Soothed by the peaceful atmosphere between them, Jean continued until the album was completed - voice faltering only when he was concentrating particularly hard on his essay, or if he had forgotten the lyrics.

Needless to say, neither boy had regretted upgrading their minute allowance when they'd picked up this habit nearly a year ago (Armin's phone bill during Jean's Joy Division phase had stunned them both).

The final song grew faint then silent and Jean cleared his throat when the other boy said nothing.

"Hey, Arm - you okay?"

"Mm.  I miss you."

Sometimes Jean wasn't sure if he felt better or worse when he heard those words.  Either way, his heart squeezed as he sighed a "I miss you too, love."

"You do?"

"Yeah, of course I do.  I think about you all the time."

"What do you think about?"  Armin whispered, the sound tickling Jean's ear and sending the tiniest of shivers down his spine.  "What do you miss about me?"

And then there was this part.  It wasn't that Jean didn't enjoy talking about his feelings (and he'd gotten somewhat used to it over the last two years or so after plenty of practice), but vocalising them still didn't necessarily come easy to him.  Especially over the phone when he didn't have Armin's shy and lovely expressions to motivate him.

“Well, everything. There’s nothing I don’t miss, really.  Your grumpy face in the morning - the way your nose scrunches up when I say something stupid.  Ha, and when you get all lecture-y and fix my homework for me.  It's pretty endearing.  I even miss your nagging about my wardrobe (though I think I've improved a lot lately).  And your eyelashes are super pretty too -"

"Ahh, well - um, that's sweet but I -"

"God,  _so_ pretty."  Jean sighed, pausing writing for a moment to lean back in his chair close his eyes for a moment to imagine.  "And your  _hair_  - god, I miss touching it so much.  Tell me you still use that fruity shampoo stuff and you still smell amazing."

Armin breathed a quiet laugh.  "I do - Uh, I mean I still use it.  You miss my hair?"

 __"So__ much.  And your soft shoulders and ticklish knees and your mouth... God, you're _so_ beautiful, Arm. I still don't think you even realise you were by far the most beautiful person at school the whole time we were there.  Or you know, _ever."_

If Jean hadn't been busy reminiscing he might've caught the slight hitch in Armin's breathing.  Instead he suddenly recalled the unpleasant memories of their last year at Shiganshina - when many of their classmates had matured past the point of using 'gay' as an insult and started seeing the growing Armin in an entirely different light.  Spending many a school day glaring those who found the nerve to flirt with a surprised Armin certainly put a damper on his final senior year.  Not that he could blame them  _too_ much - he'd been the first to succumb to Armin's charm after all.

He smiled to himself at the memory of a certain Tuesday, relieved that he didn't seem to be as much of an oblivious idiot anymore.  He quickly shook his head and started paying attention again as he realised Armin was speaking in his ear in a hushed tone.

"It's your hands that I... "  Jean heard a swallow, and what could've been the sound of material shuffling.  "Your hands that I think about.  In my hair and... right now, I -"

"Funny you should say that, my hand's actually cramping right now."  Jean dropped his pencil with a groan, flexing his fingers before massaging his knuckles with his other hand.

"Uh, what - already?"  Armin let out a high laugh that cut off abruptly.  "Wait.  Jean, are you... what are you doing right now?"

"Writing absolute bollocks about the Renaissance art movement for class.  I don't think my lecturer actually knows what the hell he's talking about."  Jean switched his phone to the opposite ear again as he rolled his shoulder, letting out a deep groan as he did so.  "Neither do I, to be honest."

"Wait, you're - you're  _working_ right now?  I thought -"

"Sorry, Arm - I'm just trying to get all my coursework out the way before I come see you next month.  I didn't think you'd mind.  I can talk and bullshit my way through an essay at the same time."  Jean laughed.

"Well, um, that's good - it's just that... I was kind of hoping we might, um..."  Armin's voice came through in strangled whispers - quiet enough that Jean had to strain his ears to make them out.  

"Armin, what?  Sorry, love I can't really hear you."

Armin let out a pained groan and spoke hurriedly.  "God, you know what - never mind.  You... You finish your work, okay?  Call me when you're done - wait, no.  Uh, text me first, okay?  I'll talk to you later, o-or not.  Night."

Jean blinked at the end-call dial tone. Armin had gone.

_Well, that was abrupt._

Jean slowly lowered his phone onto the desk and frowned at it, almost waiting for it to sing Armin's ringtone with an explanatory message or the standard 'love you' when they neglected to mention it on a call.

 It wasn't often that they hung up on the other like that – not without some kind of urgent reason. Armin _was_ acting a bit odd though. What with all the stuttering and whispery words that sounded almost _sensual_ and -

  _Oh… **shit.**_

 The penny dropped, as did Jean's head onto the hard surface of the desk. So much for not still being the oblivious idiot he was two years ago. He couldn't believe he hadn't picked up on Armin's hints.

 _“Stress relief.”_ Jean muttered to himself, twisting his neck to rub at the ache on his forehead. “He said he was thinking about my goddamn hands - _Jesus,_ Jean you utter fucking _moron..._ ”

 He was genuinely shocked by his own unawareness, especially since lately he'd been indulging in a lot of Armin-related stress relief himself. Long distance was hard, and he'd known that from the beginning – they both had, but the growing need for Armin's body alone wasn't ever something he thought he'd have to worry about. He'd somehow convinced himself that their mutual romantic feelings would surpass any sexual ones, and so the lack of sex would be irrelevant in the face of simply not even being in the same country as Armin.

But Jean had underestimated his own libido (and considering his age on top of two years of regular experience with an equally enthusiastic partner – this wasn't exactly an intelligent conclusion to come to), and had been forced to become closely reacquainted with his right hand once more.  He'd soon felt guilty when not long after Armin's departure he starting growing far more frustrated than he'd ever been. Which was why he had never mentioned the idea of acting on these urges whether it be by text message, telephone or video chat and instead merely kept his guilty desires to himself.

But if Armin was feeling similarly - and it _did_ seem like it - then well... that changed _everything._

Jumping to his feet, Jean hastily tidied his desk (that Renaissance report could wait) and propped open his laptop. As he waited for it to boot up, he dashed to the bathroom to thoroughly primp and check his figure as a whole. Though since he'd lately been tackling his sexual frustration with more frequent gym sessions, he wasn't too worried about his form right now.

The hair though. Jean realised that was definitely a problem as he squinted at his reflection, annoyed that he'd chosen today of all days to wear a beanie and ended up with unfortunately flattened hat-hair. Bending himself double, face to his knees, Jean ruffled his hair vigorously with his hands and prayed gravity would do its job.

He abruptly stood up straight, cheeks flushed from the headrush and his hair now appropriately tousled. Now feeling somewhat giddy, Jean hurried back to his room to hit the call button on his laptop.

His knees bouncing in anticipation, Jean grabbed his earphones (just in case) and waited for the call to connect. They hadn't found the time to video chat in _weeks._ He sucked in a breath when Armin finally answered, appearing onscreen.

_Oh god, his hair’s getting longer._

Armin sat cross-legged on his bed, clad in a worn jumper Jean could've sworn used to be his and an old quilt tucked across his lap. He'd pulled his hair back into an untidy bun, thin blond wisps escaping and curling under his ears. Though the room was dimly lit, Jean could still recognise the dark flush on his boyfriend's face and the self-conscious lift of his shoulders.

Jean ached to reach through the screen and touch him; he couldn’t believe how lovely he looked.

“Hey, baby.” He said softly, momentarily forgetting the reason for his call.

But Armin wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Hi.  Um, what is it?”

_Okay, just like we didn't rehearse, Kirschstein. Calm, collected, suave -_

"I'm such an idiot, _god -_ I'm sorry I didn't realise that - well that you – shit, I want you so bad too - I'm so stupid -" Jean blurted out the words in a rush, panicking as he watched the colour rise in Armin's face.

"Too late, I already feel like an idiot." He mumbled, shifting to tuck his knees under his chin and still looking anywhere but the camera. The quilt slipped, exposing his apparently bare legs to the camera and Jean forced himself not to swallow thickly at the sight. "It was a dumb idea anyway."

Jean stood, carrying his laptop to the bed as he tried tugging up his shirt one-handedly. "No it wasn't, we can make it work - look I'll strip right now -"

"Jean." Armin sounded alarmed but finally looked at his computer screen. He bit his lip, eyes falling on Jean's bare stomach as he fiddled with the edge of his own jumper. "Uh, oh _wow,_  um - a-aren't your family home?"

"My parents and George are at George's parents' evening so it's just Kina, but she's downstairs and won't hear us and... " Jean suddenly recalled his sister's incredibly inconvenient habit of not knocking before entering his room. He couldn't imagine any reason she would have for interrupting him on a Wednesday evening but she could be a little unpredictable like that.

"Okay, I'll be back in a minute - stay where you are and don't start without me -" Jean readjusted his clothes and left the room despite Armin's faint protests. Taking the steps two at a time, he thundered down the stairs and halted outside the living area where he knew Kina was sprawled out on their lounge sofa watching an old Breaking Bad episode.

He hesitated slightly before entering - what excuse could he have for pleading with her not to enter his room tonight? Studying was a weak excuse - not one Kina was likely to buy. Unless he really laid it on thick that he was trying hard to get into the course he and Armin wanted him to -

"Oi, nerdboy. Quit lingering in the hall like a creep. You're either in or you're out."

 Shamefaced, Jean stepped forward to hover in the doorway.  Kina twisted herself around on the sofa and stared at him impassively as he rapped his knuckles in a disjointed rhythm against the wooden doorframe, struggling to phrase his request.

“So, uh... you reckon you're settled in here for the rest of the night?”

She quirked a thin eyebrow in suspicion, a typically Kirschstein-like gesture. “I suppose so. Why, did you need the room or?”

“No, it's fine. I, er... just wanted to let you know I won't interrupt you.”

“Uh, thanks.” Kina said, her eyes glancing down to Jean's tapping foot then back up. “Are we just going to pretend I don't know you're obviously trying to hide something from me?”

“Yeah, that'd be great.”

“So all I have to do is stay in this room until you say otherwise?”

“Well, stay downstairs.” Jean shrugged and nodded and gestured vaguely, all one after the other. By the amused look on her face he wondered if it would've been less awkward if he'd just come right out and told her why he wanted her to remain here. And he could feel his face burning already, itching to dash back up the stairs to relay the story to Armin and at least give him something to laugh about.

“Are you doing anything illegal?”

_“No.”_

 “Anything morally ambiguous?” Kina smirked, and Jean stuttered out an uncertain negative. “My god Jeanboy, I don't know why you're making such a song and dance about it. Can't you just wank quietly in the shower like the rest of us?”

“Oh my _god,_ Kina.” Jean groaned into his hands, intensely aware that his sister would never let him live this down for as long as they both lived. “Okay, first of all – only Ma can call me that.  Second - please don't ever talk about wanking in front of me ever.  I'm on a call with Armin and he seems kinda down right now so please _please_ don't make this into anything it doesn't have to be. It's embarrassing enough as it is.”

“Oh, so it's _that_ kind of _'do not disturb'_ evening. I wondered why your hair was like that.” Kina laughed, tossing her head back so her long hair spilled over the arm of the sofa. She then turned to flash him a familiar grin that was as comforting as a feral wildcat's stare. “I'll not disturb you then. I hope you're using protection though.”

“He's thousands of miles away, that's not really something I'm worried about...” Jean muttered as he backed out of the room, trying his hardest to ignore his sister still cackling from the sofa.

He slammed every door shut that was between them on the way back to his room, pausing only sneak a gulp of water from the kitchen tap and splash his face in an attempt to cool it down.  His own bedroom door he shut carefully though before climbing back onto his bed, oddly relieved that Armin was still fidgeting on his screen.  But... he was  _really_ fidgeting.

"So, that was potentially the most awkward conversation I've ever had with my sister."  Jean tried a laugh, and Armin managed a weak smile before glancing down to his knees again.  He'd clasped his hands across his shins, pressing his fingertips hard to his knuckles and rubbing his thumbs together in what Jean could only describe as an agitated manner.

"Hey... you alright?" 

"Yeah, um... it's just -"  Armin's voice wavered, and he cleared his throat before continuing.  "Is it okay if we don't tonight?  I, uh, changed my mind."

_We... don't.  We won't.  Again._

The disappointment was near crippling, and Jean let slip a quiet and obviously disheartened "Oh" before he could think it through.  He then panicked when Armin gave a wobbly apology, and frantically assured him that he didn't mind.  Because of course he didn't mind - Jean knew he wouldn't be into it if Armin wasn't feeling up to it anyway.  He couldn't help but wonder what had changed in the last few minutes though.  Because Armin was obviously deeply upset about  _ _something.__  But Jean was definitely bewildered as to what that was.

He caught a quick glance of Armin chewing his lip before his head dipped, face hidden.  Then his shoulders suddenly lifted, quivered, dropped and lifted again.

"Armin?  Love, talk to me - what's wrong?"  Jean lowered his voice, knowing that this was a  _'_ 'tread carefully'topic.  "Is it your parents again?  What happened?"

Armin shook his head, his forehead pressed to his knees.  "Sorry - no it's not.  I'm just - god, _stupid -"_  

In that moment Jean wanted nothing more than to jump on an extremely fast plane straight to his boyfriend's dorm room, scoop him up in his arms and never let him go.  He hated -  _hated_ it when Armin got like this, especially when he could do nothing about it.  Not physically at least, but the state Armin was in suggested that physical comfort was what he needed.  Jean couldn't stand this absolute helplessness coursing through him, tearing at his heart and ripping apart his lungs when it was supposed to be his job - no, his  _privilege_ to comfort his other half and he just couldn't.  It was enough to make him want to tear his newly ruffled sex-hair out.

"Armin - "

"Oh jeez, I think that's my roommate back."  Armin mumbled as he shifted to sit upright, pulling his sleeves over his clenched fists and rubbing vigorously at his red eyes.  "I'll talk to you later.  Love yo-"

His voice trembled, cutting off the call before he could finish.  Jean hadn't even the chance to protest or figure out if Armin was lying or not.

For the next few moments, Jean felt as though his brain had gone numb - struggling to make any sense of what just happened.  His first instinct was to call his boyfriend back, but he doubted Armin would answer.  The next best thing would have to do.

Snatching his mobile again, Jean hurriedly sent a flurry of texts to his most recently contacted - always his boyfriend without fail.

_[i love y ou]_

_[im always here for you i hope yoou know that and im only a fphone call away or a text]_

_[srsly ill drop everthing if u need me and i cna't wait to see you i lvoe you so much so much]_

Then Jean paused, wondering if some light humour would bring any ease to Armin if his charade of adoration via text didn't.

_[also if video sex is too weird we can always start slow wiht like snapchat or texts cause i bet ur good at that]_

"Shit."

He regretted it as soon as he sent it and quickly typed out a quick apology.  Before he could send it, his phone vibrated in his hand and caused him to jump - torn between panic and relief that Armin had responded so quickly.

 

 

Jean groaned aloud, still too worried about Armin to get embarrassed about texting the wrong number (though seriously, how could he have forgotten his epic pun contest with Eren this morning?).  Instead he ignored Eren's follow-up message as he forwarded the mis-sent texts to his boyfriend.  He waited a nerve-wracking ten minutes staring at the phone screen to finally receive a brief  _[i know.  love you]_ response before sighing in resignation.  Well, that was that for now at least.

He checked his inbox, thinking he should probably clear things up with Eren.

 

 

For a moment Jean thought about asking Eren for advice about Armin's behaviour.  It would pain him to do it, but who better to talk it out with than the person who knew Armin best?

He would have to bring it up subtly though, since he doubted Armin would appreciate it if Jean blabbed about his emotional reaction over the idea of video sex.  If that's what it was.  Surely there was some careful way to approach this without being totally dishonest.  Surely.

 _Well, doesn't this bring back memories._ Jean thought to himself dully, not too excited at the prospect of seeking out advice behind Armin's back.

_Subtle, I can be subtle.  Maybe._

He groaned again, doubting if he would ever be able to convince himself, and glanced down at his phone at the incoming message.

 

 

Jean typed a quick  _[sure, just let me know when]_ and sent it.  He figured Eren could use all the help and support he could get in front of those scary 'official' type people, and it'd give him the perfect opportunity to pick his brain about Armin's actions tonight.

 _Subtle, Kirschstein._ Jean reminded himself again, tossing his phone aside and heading towards his desk to pull out his essay again.  He sighed at his untidy scrawl and tried to push all thoughts of Armin sitting alone in his room out of his head. _Soon, love.  I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha i hope no one was looking forward to a skype sex scene because that was never going to happen (i'm too embarrassed). though don't get me wrong, i may be ace but i understand the importance of sexual intimacy in some romantic relationships and it's definitely an key aspect in the relationship between jean and armin in this au at least.  
>    
> this one's split in two though when i'll get around to the second half is anyone's guess (remember that alternative ending i mentioned months ago?? i've changed my mind about it like five times since). and since i've semi-abandoned the eremin fic i've started on here and have a supernatural erejearmin/mikasasha au churning in my brain... i'm sorry i don't _plan_ things i just sometimes have ideas and occasionally act upon them.
> 
> (anyone signing up for the jearmin big bang thing on tumblr? it sounds pretty cool)


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